Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by ~Astrophel, Mar 18, 2019.
(The main character's love interest and the antagonist)
She always got mad if I was late by even a minute. She’d scream at me, telling me that keeping her waiting was such an awful thing to do.
I think I was all she could count on. Even a minute wasted was too much time she’d lost next to me. And though I knew I was afraid, I ignored it and pretended to myself that I was honored to be there with her.
She was always happy next to me unless she was yelling. She told me awful things about herself, but she never cried about them. Just yelled. It was upsetting, but she was a nice person, I figured.
Today was the first day she cried. I had never seen her cry before. I’d seen her angry, but it different. Her anger wasn’t a furious, devastated, hopeless feeling. It was just that. Anger.
Anger that was nothing compared to this.
But I didn’t know why she was crying. We met on the corner where we always did and she was crying, and I just so happened to notice it.
My throat hurt. My breathing was shallow. I wasn’t even crying, I just felt as if the world was falling apart for some reason.
And when she looked up at my face, I knew I was right. I saw something I’d remember for the rest of my life.
Which, granted, wasn’t a lot of time.
If the eyes are the windows to the soul, her windows were cracked and the drops of liquid soul were spilling down her face.
She was crying, clearly a mess, but her face remained calm, emotionless. She breathed so calmly and clearly even though it looked as if she should be struggling.
Our eyes locked and I noticed that the stained glass that had been her eyes had been a beautiful piece of art.
But as wonderful as it was, it was only there to conceal the inky black soul behind it.
When she stopped crying, that was the moment I knew it was over for me.
“I’m sorry I killed you,” is what she said, in a perfectly calm voice, as if she was just now realizing that she had better things to get on with.
Once the soul ran off of her face, her eyes were empty.
You may think you’ve seen a person with no soul, but if you truly have, you’ll remember it.
I looked down to see the drops of soul inked into my skin, a permanent tattoo I’d hold in my dying moments. I didn’t even know what had killed me then, but I know now.
And now, the story ends. I’m only thinking this in my head, but if someone somewhere can somehow hear this, save it for me and share it to somebody else because it’s worth it.
She was toxic to me, and I always kept her, and it killed me.
She was a sick, poisonous addiction that drove me to do insane things.
I should have done something for her rather than letting her place her weight on my shoulders…
but I shouldn’t be blaming myself now. I’ll die happy, because at least I know now what I should have done.
and if I ever live again, maybe a small part of me will remember it.
This turned out longer than I intended, but I actually sort of like it. If you couldn’t tell, it’s about toxic relationships. Hope it didn’t stray too far from the prompt, but I feel like it is sort of the same situation.
Just a friendly reminder that if only one person responds, the deadline might have to be extended uwu~
Alright, I'm adding five days to the deadline. If there is no more entry up until then, the only participant will get to be the winner by default and gets to choose the next prompt.
Wheef, I'm actually about to post in a few hours haha
Ah! I'm so sorry! I was busy with school and work
Sent from my T1 7.0 using Tapatalk
It was another quiet day in the plains for the two. They looked up at the swirling night sky, with rainbows of stars swimming in it. The moon radiated a healthy, yet dim light. It was perfect for them.
The girl, who laid in the grass, was right next to a guy, who sat criss-cross, staring intently at the cosmos.
He then looked down at the girl, who had a blissful expression on her face.
“You remember when I split into two? That was an experience for sure.”
The girl who, at first, had nothing on her mind, suddenly remembered a vividly tragic love story.
-Two months ago-
Elise was in a shoddy apartment room. The walls were a not-so-parchment white, with the boards underneath showing from underneath, and stains of blood splattered on them. The floorboards were in extremely poor condition, with some parts protruding out, and some screws coming loose here and there. The room was bizarrely empty, aside from a red leather cushioned chair in surprisingly good condition and a large, otherworldly mirror on wheels framed with black teakwood.
Her heart pulsed erratically, as she saw Klein sitting on the chair, with a leg crossed over on his other knee and his head on his left arm. His eyes, contrary to the usual bright green, were now a murky ruby color. His devilish smirk was out of his usual character. Something seemed off.
He spoke to Elise, with a strange echo that felt otherworldly. “I assume that you're still finding the missing people, no?”
“So it was you, Klein. Not who I expected, but fine.” Elise's voice shook with doubt. Her mind ran through multiple questions. Was it truly him, or was it a doppelganger? Was this a dream? Can I still trust him?
Suddenly, the mirror started spinning. As it slowed down, Elise didn't see the Klein with red eyes. She saw good ol’ Klein inside, trapped by a smoky black darkness that rose from his soul.
“Ah yes Elise, this is me. Lame. Pathetic. Weak. He chooses to reject his inner darkness. Meanwhile, I bask in it. The darkness is truly wonderful, no?”
Elise didn't want to see dark Klein anymore. She only cared about freeing him from the darkness. The people she were trying to find didn't matter as much. If he's the source of all of this, then surely if he came back to his senses, then maybe she'll understand…
“Klein… this isn't what I wanted. Please, just come back to me. So that we can talk.”
Suddenly, his irises flickered from red to green, and then back again. Something she said must had snapped him out of it for a second. If she kept it up, then maybe he could come back. But the evil from within kept coming back. If love was the solution, then so be it.
“Why you? You're just like everyone else Elise! I've been longing for people close to me ever since the history of time! If they died, then at least I could talk to them!”
“No… this is too much for me. I need to shut him down. But he said he killed them. Is that true?” Elise thought.
But it was clearly evident. And if Klein's reflection engulfed in smoke didn't convince her otherwise, then she didn't know what would.
“I need to talk to him. So that we can settle things through. I… I-”
“You what? Spit it out Elise! Why do you want to talk now, instead of earlier?!”
“Because… I love you Klein. With all my heart. You're my dearest.”
Klein's anger then turned into a daze. The smoke in his reflection slowly began to disappear, with his red eyes fading back to his lively green again.
His voice, no longer distorted, cried out, “Wait… you do? Really?” He was beginning to choke on his voice, with tears starting to form.
Elise ran up towards him and embraced him tightly. “I really do. So much Klein.”
And suddenly, the tears came running down on both their faces. Klein broke down into a sobbing heap.
After a bit, he mustered, “I-I killed them. They're gone forever. They may not care about me, but I wanted their longing.”
Elise's mind ran through all the names of the people found dead. They were all people he looked up to. People that he truly wanted to know more.
“It's okay. But we have to run away. We can't leave a trace. This town is already bad enough as is. We need to find our own paradise.”
The girl looked back up at him. “Yeah. I've never heard you cry like that before, ya big softie.”
“Hey, don't play around like that. Although, we aren't really doing much right now, right?”
“Yeah, I guess. It's just me and a murderer looking up at a night sky in an empty field in who-knows-where.”
Klein laughed. The fact that he took that statement lightly was somewhat unsettling, yet peaceful. He then laid right next to her with their hands held together, both of them sprawled out in tall, lush grass, with colorful flowers dotting the field.
Eventually, it didn't take long for Elise to doze off. She slept quietly to the chirping of the crickets and the rustling of the wind.
Then, suddenly, Klein blinked. His eyes were green no more, in stark contrast to the field. His bloody glare was then followed with, “I'm sorry Elise, but your hope ends here. And your meaningless existence with it.”
Was it something she said that had made him become this? Or was it just natural? She knew he was a vampire, she had known all along. He had always been one but something had changed him into the person she never wanted him to become. And yet he stood there, smiling at her as if he hadn't done her wrong.
He had been working on her side to hunt down vampires who were killers. That was not what he was supposed to be, but as he stared at her, his eyes drifted do her neck and he was consumed by bloodlust.
He grabbed her by the arms and pinned her to the wall, fangs extending as he leaned down. There she was, seconds away from being bitten and yet she was not afraid. Tears were in her eyes, yes, but that meant that she was sad, not afraid.
She spoke calmly though his fangs were only inches away from piercing that perfect skin.
"Matt..." She whispered for she never called him Matthias. She thought that Matt suited him better.
She felt him freeze, his eyes widening as his fangs retracted, concealing themselves once more. He let go of her, trailing his fingers down her arm as her eyes locked with his.
This was not the only time she had stopped him.
A month ago, under the glow of the silver moon, Matthias was on the urge of losing himself to the bloodlust when he saw her.
She was standing on the hillside above him, glowing in the light of the moon. His blood gaze locked with hers as stared at him.
His fangs were drenched with blood and he dropped the half-dead human on the floor, realizing that she had see him. What he was.
His eyes widened, fangs retracting, as he gazed at her in shock. He never wanted her to see him like this. Ever.
Back in reality, he gazed at her, his eyes beginning to water. She held his face in her hands before kissing his lips softly.
"Riley...I'm sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen..."
"It's okay, Matt. I promise."
"Can you forgive me..?"
"I already did. I forgave you that month ago..."
hey, i'm back !! kinda. i should be working on physics and AP euro, but i honestly am not in the mood right now for that, at all. i'll get... around to it.
(forgive me if what i write about ends up being similar to anyone else's - i read the prompt, and i instantly thought "oh, toxic relationship ?? uwu" but then i read stars_'s submission and i was like "HECK i forgot that great minds think alike" and yes all of you have great minds but i was like "oh no gotta write about something else" and then i thought "yknow what i'll just not read the other ones until i finish" so yeah uh that's my thoughts)
now, time to stretch my fingers and start typing ! gimme like... an hour. or two. three. at most four. i have studying to do.
lol, it’s funny how we thought of the same thing there. Honestly I’d be fine with you writing about toxic relationships, as long as you didn’t use the exact same idea as me, because then we’d have two identical submissions oof. I like your writing from what I’ve seen though, so whatever you end up doing I’ll enjoy reading, and hopefully our judge will as well.
hold onThere are some monsters in this world that are so sly that they don't make a sound when they slither by; monsters that often go unacknowledged even after being seen.
Monsters so powerful that they drag down whoever they touch.
"I'm afraid of demons, I guess," She told me, her hand welded to mine as we laid in my dad's backyard, watching the quilt of starlight blink and waver.
"Demons?" I mused. I have never heard that kind of answer before. Although, I've only ever asked that question while interning at the children's daycare, with 'monsters' and 'the dark' being the most common response.
"So like... the myths and stuff?" I turned my head, my gaze pulling away from the night canvas onto a finished painting of amber gold threads and two gleaming zircons.
"Hm... I suppose," Her chest rose and fell heavily, a sigh escaping her pursed lips; a telltale sign that something was still on her mind.
"Ooooh, vague and mysterious. You're gonna make me ask you out all over again!" I sent a grin her way, her reply being her beautifully quirky snort and a lopsided smile. 'Cheer up' mission accomplished!
Our eyes turned back to the shifting sky, a meek orange peering out from under the covers of the quilt. A quiet moment walked past us at a leisurely pace.
"Could you help me defeat the demons one day?"
"What?" Confusion flicked my forehead, "I mean, of course I will, but what do you mean?"
"Thank you," She breathed, promptly forgetting about my request for clarification.
I watched her shoulders sigh softly, her eyes closed. My hand slid up to cup the side of her face, and she openly leaned her head into my palm.
I'd defeat all the demons for her... as soon as I find out what that means.
My toes danced impatiently on the floor of my dad's truck. The miniature pastry was doused in frosting and in my love, and I made a mental attempt to ensure that it wouldn't shift in my lap.
"You're that excited, sport?" My father glanced at me from the driver's seat with a kind and amused grin; a look that I hoped to have inherited.
I gave him a sheepish grin rather than an answer to avoid any weird questions later on. I had to focus on surprising her, of course! It had been a few months since I had seen her, as we both needed to focus on our studies; exams have ended for me, but she still had a test or two, so why not motivate her to keep going?
The truck rolled to a stop in front of her driveway, and I almost hopped immediately out of my seat before remembering there was a delicacy in my hands. Carefully setting it aside, I stepped out onto the sidewalk and gently picked up the baked good once more.
"Bye dad, love you, I'll call you when I'd like to be picked up, bye!" I said in a rush, avoiding my dad's monologue of how I'm growing up so fast.
"Not so fast!" He called out, stopping me in my eager tracks, "Get back over here."
"Aaaaaagh, yes Dad?" My head leaned back through the open door, "What, am I a man now or something?"
He chuckled at me, a hearty and warm sound, "Not yet, kiddo, but you're getting close. Give her all your love, squirt."
"Yes sir, Dad!" I declared, nodding vigorously before turning and heading for her front door.
Hearing him eventually drive away after a moment's silence, I knocked enthusiastically on the polished wood.
"Hello? You there?" I called out. Did she not hear the knock? Usually she'd call out from her window, crying out "I'm not home!" before falling into a pit of laughter.
I took a step back to examine the house as a whole; maybe she changed bedrooms or something.
"That's weird, all the lights are off-" My phone interrupted my investigation, playing the ringtone that I had set for her number.
I answered without hesitation, "Hey! Surprise, I'm at your door - well, it was gonna be a surprise but-"
My voice falters for a moment before continuing, "Are... Are you okay?"
She was crying.
I ran for the door, placing the cake down at the steps and fumbling with my hands to find the house key that she had given to me - "For important cases and things", she had said.
"Are you upstairs? Y'know, never mind, I'll find you!" I yelped into my phone, trying to maintain contact as my searching gaze tore through the darkness.
How many rooms are in this house, anyway? All the other times that I had visited, it never felt like this many. Where could she be? Where would she be crying - better yet, why was she crying??
"I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming!" I attempted some kind of reassuring message, hoping she'd hear.
Where, where- Her bedroom! My mind clicked, I'm sorry, but I have to enter to find you!
I finally busted through the door. She's there, standing on a chair in the middle of the darkness. Her phone is lying on the floor, still connected to the call.
Something dangled from the ceiling.
She didn't say anything as she stared blankly, her words weeping onto her cheeks with a continuous, rolling flow. Two formerly perfect zircons were caked in a dull dust, threads of sullen amber seemed to droop heavily onto her tense shoulders; an ancient painting that has been worn down and aged.
But... She was still shifting, still fidgeting. The snake hadn't constricted her yet, though it was hissing terribly into her ears. She had not yet placed the blackened and bristly ring around herself.
I ran as fast as my stony legs could take me. My arms wrapped around her waist, lifting her up and away from death's grasp. Her mouth opened and closed, but it couldn't speak.
Yelling my heart raw, I dropped her and fell next to her on her bed, shoving my arms properly around her torso.
She yelled too, the zircons being slowly washed clean.
Our arms entwined, we stepped out of the psychiatrist's office and into the sun's embrace. She was genuinely smiling today, as she had been in the recent months after the battle with the snake. I couldn't help but smile along with her, but I didn't know what she was smiling about this time.
"Y'know, I just realized that you kept your promise," She mused, turning to face me. I, however, returned a baffled stare.
"The promise where you'd help me fight my demons, you dork!" Her laughter filled the infinite air, resonating through my ears as I, too, realized our accomplishment.
"THAT was what you meant by demons? Your inner demons??" That whole conversation, two years ago, finally clicked into the right place in the puzzle, "Why didn't you just say so?"
This question put her into thought, "Hmm... I dunno. I guess I didn't want you to think I was edgy, or anything."
"Even if I did," I placed my hands onto her shoulders, staring straight at two perfect zircons, "I would have fought them for you anyway. Wanna know why?"
I didn't let her answer my question, because I told her anyway.
"Because there are people who don't want you to succumb to these demons. There are people who want to see you smile."
She smiled at me again, her zircons pointing true to my sapphires, and together we repeated the words I had roared from my heart that night.
"Because I loved you then, and I still love you, and I'll love you forever."
(awww, sappy ending !! hurray lol)
(i waaaas gonna make it a super sad ending but i'm not that good at writing about depressing topics, so i only touched upon it in the main conflict of the scene)
(you can probably guess who the "story antagonist" was lmao)
(i feel like i rushed the ending points, but to be honest, i really needed this finished so i can stop procrastinating smh)
(ok i'm done typing lol)
Spoiler: Stealth entry. Prolly not even an exact match to the prompt.
"It's about time, don't you think?" A short, wizened old man spoke to his tall companion who princess-carried a limp and lifeless figure of a young woman.
"No, not yet. I wish to spend a little more time with her." The tall man replied. He pulled her body closer to his embrace and gently kissed her forehead. It did little to help give warmth to the girl's icy cold skin.
"You're a cruel, damnable villain. Pffth." The old man snorted. He had seen how his companion obsess over the girl over the stretch of centuries and millennia, throughout the dozens of different mortal lives she had lived.
"That... I won't deny." The tall man smiled. It was the same script every time, despite the change in places and the minor cast that surrounded them. The tragic love story between Anpu and his betrothed, of a god of death who broke the rules for the mortal whom he cannot ever let go.
"Why can't you just let her pass on? The girl's soul deserves to rest." The old man has had enough of it. Every cycle was the same. They would watch the girl grow up and bloom into an impressionable young woman who would always fall for the dark god. Then after some time, she would learn of his true nature, he would tell her of their past, and she would run away and end up dead, one way or another.
"And have her be eaten in one bite by Ammit?" Anpu scoffed. It was also his fault that the girl's heart has grown so heavy that the scales of fate would automatically tip against the feather of truth. She had lived more lives than any regular mortal, exponentially giving her more time and chances to do misdeeds against other mortals- to the point that the weight of her sins outmatched those of truly bad people.
"Look at us, friend. We're faded gods. Nobody even remembers me. You have it a little better since your name is often being used in new-age literature, but does these mortals even remember Bes? No. My temples are gone, my few remaining worshippers don't even think I'm real and soon I'll fade away into nothing when the last mortal who knows my name dies."
"You have a wikipedia page." Anpu tried not to roll his eyes.
"That's not the point. The thing is... Hasn't she already said that she doesn't want you? She'll just say the same thing in her next life, and in the next one after that... She'll reject you, and I'll see you hurt all over again."
"Maybe I'm just that much of a masochist... Ahaha."
((The girl is the posthumous MC and Anpu/Anubis is the lover who needs rescuing from his delusions.))
Other notes: Mythos
Ancient Egyptians believed that when they die, their souls will be judged in the afterlife through a magic scale that will weight their heart against a feather. If the heart ends up heavier, they will be eaten by a crocodile-hippo demon named Ammit. If the feather is heavier, the soul will be guided by Anubis into the egyptian equivalent of heaven.
Other notes: Stuff not clearly explained in the story
Bes, being a god of childbirth, helps Anubis every time when the girl is reborn. He sets when and where the girl's soul is reborn as a baby. He's also Anpu's reluctant wingman.
Alright, haven’t been around for some time so hopefully this thread’s still alive here are my thoughts on this prompt’s entries. On the whole, there’s a range of stories we’ve had from this prompt, some of which while weren’t what I’ve had in mind when issuing it, is great enough on its own.
welp that, and didn’t expect there’d be so many when there’s only one before the deadline’s extended so my apologies for the delay.
Next, for my feedback (in order of posting date) :
This entry really has a lot to it when it comes to describing what was happening around that moment, as though it was a scene taken out of a longer story. While there might be a few questions here and there about the character’s background, I realized that this being in first-person, that wouldn’t actually be really necessary.
It took me some time to read this entry and this one really matched (what I thought of about) the prompt well. There’s still some things I didn’t get after reading this one, in that the antagonist’s motives seemed to change several times (at first he’s impressed by darkness, then it’s about Elise loving him, then it’s about getting other people to want him).
This entry’s quite concise in that I’ve gotten clear idea of the scene right away. Maybe my advice for it was that it would work better if it was in first-person POV, but I guess that has more to do with personal preference than the writing itself.
There really are two ways to interpret this piece, and both of them works well enough as their own romance story. While I’m not sure if it’s intentionally done so by the writer, but this could be read as a real-life romance as it could as an urban fantasy. While ‘inner demons’ made it lean closer to the former, the gemstones left it more ambiguous, in a good way. Overall, I’ve had quite the fun time reading while trying to figure out this one.
Not an exact match to the prompt, but a great one regardless. For something that’s based on myths (that would typically require lots of looking up), this one’s clear enough to get in a reading. The whole situation is also left to their reader’s imagination, fitting with the theme of the same scene happening over and over, that this could very well take place any time after Ancient Egypt until the wikipedia page comes into mention :0. The conversation’s casual nature also made it enjoyable to read, which fits with the modern-day (?) fantasy theme well.
For this prompt, it took me a lot of time to pick the winner. I’m not going to directly mention whose is it that I’m currently talking about, but let’s just say there are some entries which left me unsure of which to choose.
That said, I’ve decided to choose @Rin Guinn as winner, for (perhaps unintentionally ?) writing two entries for the prompt.
Thank you for all your submissions, I’ll be leaving the next prompt to the winner.
oh, man ! thank you, @Zeroth , really did not expect that today lol
(the gemstones were mostly a stylistic choice to be honest, though i'm glad that it worked in the story's favor ! uwu)
i've been craving some suspense lately, so...
here's the next one !
PROMPT: Your main character's whole world has been warped to the point of nonrecognition. Although... No one else seems to have noticed. Left to his/her own devices, survival looks like the biggest and only objective.
DEADLINE: May 15th, 5:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time
RULES AND OTHER NOTES:
- the main genre of this prompt should be HORROR/SUSPENSE. i wanted to push outside of the comfort zones ! have fun with this one B) (sub-genres are okay)
- be creative with your response ! feel free to expand on the prompt too, i don't mind deviation lol.
- i will make an attempt at constructive criticism, so put in your best work so i can give my best feedback !
- use your head and common sense and follow the forum rules :') if it's not allowed everywhere else, it's likely not allowed here too.
@Zeroth @Accelerator @YandereKay_BTSKookie @Happle @stars_ @Zeku @Theis @Damien the Summoner @Kikicocobell @: ] @Shian @Just Kenneth @Bratitude
good luck and have fun, my dudes !! B)
hello, just a reminder that the prompt is due in two days and there haven't been any entries yet uwu
@Zeroth @Accelerator @YandereKay_BTSKookie @Happle @stars_ @Zeku @Theis @Damien the Summoner@Kikicocobell @: ] @Shian @Just Kenneth @Bratitude
"What's going on??!!"
Simply put, everything around him seemed to distort and disappear. The streets he walked were suddenly no more. The insanity of the events was too much. He later collapsed from shock.
He woke up in a glass box. More specifically, he was trapped in a glass box suspended 40 feet in the air by an unknown force. When he looked down, he could see the streets... busy as ever.
He tried to scream for help, but no sound escaped his mouth.
No... this is bad.
He started to smash the glass. Or at least, try.
The air started to run out.
Quick, don't panic. take slow breaths.
But the repeated pounding on the glass eventually wore him out.
His breaths quickened and deepened.
Which eventually translated to light-headedness.
Take a break. To calm down.
He looked on to the society, blind to his situation.
Why am I up here? And why aren't they?
His thoughts went from contemplating to dreadful. His despair intensified.
Perhaps this is a sign. That my existence isn't normal. Like others.
His vision blurred. And then it faded.
He faded, as if he were insignificant.
hello, there was only one submission, oof
should the deadline be extended ? or is it hopeless at this point lol
A lot of people are currently studying for tests and whatnot, so they're pretty much busy I guess. That or people consider this thread to be dead.
To be honest, I think repinging would be a good idea. As well as extending the deadline imo. But just my suggestion. It's ultimately your choice.
oooo, alrighty !
(to be honest i almost forgot about finals thank you for reminding me ah)
give me a second to reping and choose a new deadline ! uwu
@Zeroth @Accelerator @YandereKay_BTSKookie @Happle @stars_ @Zeku @Theis @Damien the Summoner @Kikicocobell @: ] @Shian @Just Kenneth @Bratitude
May 24th, 5:00 P.M., Pacific Daylight Time